I am Yours, I am forever Yours

It’s hard to know how to follow the last blog I wrote, The Battle for Adoptive Families. That blog was a gift from the Lord that really went a little crazy. It was far and away the most shared and most read thing I’ve ever written, and I love it because it was something really dear to my heart – a call to pray for our friends who are struggling as they obey Christ. Of all the things I have written, to have that blog be so well-received by so many was a mountaintop experience I will not soon forget.

We have had quite a week since that blog. Some bizarre health struggles, a ton of uncertainty, sickness throughout our family, people we love going through major struggles, and extended family members fighting for their lives in hospitals far away. Justin and I just keep finding ourselves curled up, praying together, asking for mercy and wisdom and peace. We have had to choose to trust over and over and over this week, wanting to live out Psalm 56:3, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” It has been a HEAVY week, kind of a valley after the mountaintop experience of last week.

But the Lord has been so faithful. He has given mercy, He has provided, He has given small blessings in the middle of these trials that let us know He is near and He hears us. Today His mercy came in a song, dropped on us at just the right time (Justin had actually been arranging this song for our church Sunday night before we knew the week we would face).

Here are the lyrics:

If my heart is overwhelmed and I cannot hear Your voice
I’ll hold on to what is true though I cannot see
If the storms of life they come and the road ahead gets steep
I will lift these hands in faith
I will believe

I remind myself of all that You’ve done
And the life I have because Your Son

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours I am forever Yours
Mountain high or valley low
I sing out remind my soul
That I am Yours I am forever Yours

When my heart is filled with hope
and every promise comes my way
When I feel Your hands of grace rest upon me

Staying desperate for You God
Staying humbled at Your feet
I will lift these hands and praise
I will believe

I remind myself of all that You’ve done
And the life I have because Your Son

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours I am forever Yours
Mountain high or valley low
I sing out remind my soul
That I am Yours I am forever Yours

I am Yours
I am Yours
All my days
I am Yours

I am Yours, I’m Yours forever
I am Yours, I’m Yours forever
I am Yours, I’m Yours forever Lord

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours I am forever Yours
Mountain high or valley low
I sing out remind my soul
That I am Yours I am forever Yours

I wish I was clever enough to have figured out the mountaintop and valley illustration, so perfectly lined up in the song and lived out in my week, for this blog. But truthfully I had this written before I realized the song had that line in it. Time and time again this blog has been a place where the Lord speaks to me as I type – and again tonight it happened. But why would He speak to me? Because I am His. Mountain high or valley low, I sing out, remind my soul, that I am Yours, Jesus, I am forever Yours. 

The Prayers of Many

I have a friend who is in the middle of a very difficult adoption trial. I want to protect her privacy, so I’ll call her M. She is a kind, wise, godly person who loves children, a school teacher, who adopted a little girl last summer (I’ll call E) out of the foster system. Months after bringing E into her home, M found out that CPS had made serious errors in the removal of E from her previous home. Although there was definite evidence of abuse and neglect, these errors have put the adoption of E into indefinite hold just days before the adoption was to be finalized.

E has been bounced around from home to home most of her young life. She has been neglected, forgotten, and abused. Last year she finally got a mommy who had prayed for her long before she knew her. She was safe and loved. She has made strides this year to trust M and to start to let down the walls that she built around herself in her early life. They have walked through some serious trials together and truthfully they are still walking through difficulty. The wounds in E are deep. She’s afraid, and justifiably so, that M isn’t permanent. The therapist working with E has encouraged M that once E’s adoption is finalized, she can really begin to trust and heal.

So not only does this indefinite hold effect M and E because it seems to have the potential to split them up, it is actually delaying E’s healing and making M’s home feel like just another “holding tank” that E has been placed into, not the home of permanent stability and safety she so desperately needs.

It is a terribly difficult situation. M lives in a rural community, works all day with her students, comes home and focuses intently on E and her healing, and then after E goes to bed grades papers until she finally falls asleep exhausted. She does not have much community around her, outside of her family, who “get” what she is doing. She is not on Facebook, attached to the amazing community of adoptive parents that I have been able to meet, and she isn’t in a church that has other adoptive parents.

So the purpose of this blog is to change that. It occurred to me today that I know an army of people who fight for kids like E and moms like M everyday. So I am going to send this blog to every adoptive mom and adoption advocate I can think of and to members of the church who have stood with us in trials. I want people to come in droves willing to pray for M and E, willing to write them letters of scripture and encouragement, willing to stand with them in intercession before God that He would fight for them, give M peace, and heal this sweet little girl. So if you want to join me in this army of prayer support and encouragement for my friend, would you leave a comment, or send me an email at jenniferlwells@me.com? I will send you updates on the situation, and a way to send encouraging “snail mail” and email to M and E if you feel led to send them encouragement and prayers.

We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many. 2 Corinthians 1:8-11

I believe that together we will rejoice (and I pray it is soon) when the Lord has worked a miracle not only in the case, but in M and E’s home, in the love, trust, and permanency of a family. And until then, Jesus please be near my sweet friend.

Counting and Dancing

I am on the 10th straight day away from my family (2 more days to go!) in one of the longest stretches yet that I have been on the road.  I have been counting the days because I miss Justin and the girls.

I’m not sure if you’ve ever experienced something like our past year, but I have learned something I find interesting, and it involves counting.  When you are living with some degree of uncertainty and you are mourning a change in your life you weren’t expecting, there are these strange milestones you live with in your head.  You keep count (or at least, I do).  I realized I would start to grow anxious and stressed as the first of each month neared because it was another month in our struggle.  I could always tell you exactly how many months it had been since Justin was laid off and then later, since I was, because these monthly deadlines defined our journey to some extent.

Yesterday I realized that during this stretch I’ve been out of town, we passed the one-year mark for my layoff.

And I had missed it.  How very unlike me.  🙂

I was overwhelmed with relief and gratitude.  This internal clock seems to have finally switched off.  Thank you, Father.  I think that means I’ve healed.  That quietly, under the surface, the Lord has been working to release me from any pain attached to that event so that it isn’t a defining reality in our world anymore.

We have moved on.  We are in a new place.  Justin is working for a wonderful church.  The Lord is providing for us through that and through my travel.  He has given me a new vision for my future.

And He has provided.  Over a year without fulltime employment in our family.  We never thought we could have survived that – and yet He is faithful.  In our weakness He is strong.

So I think that this anniversary is worth celebrating.

You have turned my mourning into dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy. Psalm 30:11

For all of you who have prayed for us and loved us, THANK YOU.  You will never know the blessing you have been.  I’m highly tempted to throw a little dance party to celebrate all the Lord has done, and you are ALL invited.

For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. Psalm 100:5