Our house was for sale for a year, and after no offers we decided to pull it off the market because I was entering into a time of almost constant travel, we were tired of the showings and cleanings, and we knew we couldn’t keep maintaining a perfectly clean house on top of everything else.
Inside my soul, I was fretting. I had been so sure we were supposed to sell it. Why go through that? Why endure the showings and the uncertainty for a year? How was the Lord going to pull us out of our situation if we kept the house?
I was sharing my frustration with a friend one night (a precious heart-friend) and I told her “I gave the Lord my house as a sacrifice. I put MY HOUSE on the altar. Why didn’t He take it? Wasn’t it good enough? I’m so frustrated!” She told me, kindly, “He’s God – He doesn’t need your house, He needs your heart.”
Oh so good. The truth of that stung a bit. He doesn’t need my house – my plan for our future. He is God, He is good, and His timing is always perfect. It was time to align my feelings with that idea.
When she said that, I remembered a conversation Justin and I had the night before about our situation. After we talked, I closed my eyes to pray. As I began to pray, I saw myself screaming and kicking into a void. I felt so out of control – and unheard. My friend helped me realize that my vision of myself screaming and kicking showed just how invested I was in MY plan for how the Lord would resolve this. My heart was trusting in our house – not in my perfect Savior.
In some ways – taking our house off the market was a bigger sacrifice than putting the house on the market to begin with. It was like I was putting my will, and my plan, and my view of how this would resolve on a giant altar.
And that was tough.
So here we are – it is almost 2 weeks since we took the house off the market, and our realtor called us today and wants to show the house tomorrow. Someone is flying in and wants to see the house.
Crazy, right? Here I am, in Canada, and I can’t clean it to my specifications. I can’t stain the back fence which needs staining, I can’t get my closets and mirrors sparkling, I can’t micromanage how this will turn out. I am sitting here at a desk backstage putting my plans and my will on the altar again, and trying my hardest to rest in the Lord’s perfect plan.
If He wants it sold, He will sell it.
And if He doesn’t, I’ll continue to trust Him.
Today I think I am on the altar, not my house. And although it doesn’t feel so great, I know it is for my good. It is the refining fire that will lead to my holiness.
Thank you, Lord.